The fasting diaries
1
Jorge left this morning. I got up a bit later and, after my usual procrastination, I went for a run. It was about zero degrees but the sun was out. If the sun is out – I run. It’s that simple. I then went on with my routine: I read, played the piano (second time), payed what I owed to the bike guy… the usual. I felt hungry at times but it was bearable.
2
This morning was hard. I had to grade presentations so I went to uni. The bike ride was dreadful: I was out of breath when I got there. I could feel the fatigue at the core of my being.
3
I have dreamt that I was with my father and brother at a bakery. There were sweets to taste and I took a few forgetting that I was fasting. I was oblivious to what I had done until we left the shop.
Yesternight I went to a pub with some friends. I was exhausted. My legs hurt and I could barely listen to them; my mind kept drifting away. I felt as if someone had soaked up all my energy, as if it had just vanished. The feeling is close to being sleep deprived – but not quite. I also remember freezing inside the pub: my friends were in their t-shirts while I had two sweaters on.
But today I’m much better. I have an empty stomach but it’s painless. My capacity has returned. I’m considering going for a run, but the road is packed with snow.
4
This morning I woke up at 5.30 because of the cold (it’s become impossible to sleep in my underpants). I had decided that I would eat today, so I prepared some miso soup. Cristian was also there breaking the fast. Two hours later I had a salad (lettuce, cheese, salmon, olive oil, and lemon). Bliss. Just fucking bliss. I started to sing and dance for no reason; the world made sense again. I had a final meal before I left: baked potatos with herring and bread. And yet I was still hungry.
Since I’m a fucking idiot I tried biking to uni. After two close calls I ended up sliding down the bridge like a curling stone. I was tempted to continue since I had already done the hardest part – but I didn’t (thank god).