ineffective vampire

2022-09-20

I am a vampire, but not a very good one. I seem totally incapable of sneaking up on a victim, taking them unawares, and drinking their blood. Everywhere I go, people stop and go, “Ew, vampire!” and then laugh at me.

I’m spotted skulking on rooftops, lurking in shadows, hiding behind bushes. No matter what I do, or where I go, I’m found out and my efforts are thwarted. Maybe I should stop going out in broad daylight.

Here is one of my most embarassing moments. I tried a direct approach with a bunch of young people, thinking I would just whisk one away really quickly. But they spotted me right away. A young woman in a wheelchair yelled, “Ew, vampire!” and wheeled herself between me and her friends, blocking my way. I panicked, so I knocked over her chair, spilling her onto the ground, and I ran away while the others were distracted and concerned about their friend on the ground.

Eventually I made myself very tiny and very flat and hid inside a crumbling old wall, and some people came to rest against the wall. I could see them through a gap in the slats. I was just about to strike when one of them saw me through the slats! I could see them drawing air into their lungs, and raising their hand to point. Before the “ew, vampire” could leave their lips, I reached through the wall and grabbed the vibrant young man, so full of life, and pulled him through. I quickly opened a vein and took a couple big drinks before running away.