lumpy head

2021-04-22

A lady hit me in the head with a baseball bat and knocked me out.

I woke up later, dazed, confused, and with a huge lump the size of a softball on the side of my head. This lump was so big that it had a small lump of its own, the size of a ping-pong ball. It looked like I had a lumpy horn growing out of the side of my head.

I posted on my company slack that I had hit my head really hard and was kind of dizzy, but I think I can still coach the company softball game. I went to get some coffee and came back and a bunch of people told me to call our workplace injury hotline. So I did, and they said I needed to initiate the process in person. I couldn’t drive because I was dizzy and probably kind of concussed, so I ordered a sort of Uber service in which somebody came to my house, picked up my car and drove it over to the claims office. They parked my car there and I don’t know what they did, but then I got a call back from the hotline and the person said I shouldn’t do any work related stuff until I got better.

Then I realized I don’t actually know where the injury office is, and so I don’t know where my car is! I pulled out my phone and used the Find My Car app, which did a really good job of pinpointing where it was, even down to the parking spot. So I used the Un-Uber app again, and told somebody to just go the parking lot at such-and-such address, and look for the blue car in the parking near the front, by the entrance, near the crosswalk, next to the tree, and then drive it back to my house and leave it in my garage.

Everything I did was really hard. Felt like I was in slow motion and under water. I walked over to the food court. Saw some friends there that I weakly greeted. Met up with somebody I was supposed to give a tour to. I told her I’d still show her around if she didn’t mind taking it slow and bearing with me if I got confused.

We went over to get some pizza and there was some cheese and some pepperoni, and she pulled back a curtain underneath the serving table and said, Oh look, here’s your pizza! And there were some small slices of vegan cheese pizza that were slightly warmer than room temperature and which looked like they had been there a long time. I wasn’t happy about it, but I took three slices because I was hungry.